Someone once told me that a day only goes by when you're asleep at night, which is why when you pull an all-nighter or don't sleep for two days, the days get jumbled up into one. If you stayed awake when the day of your birthday comes and goes, does that mean you will never get old?
I'd like to say 'thank you' to all my friends, and a bigger 'thank you' to those who remembered. You guys really made my day, and if you've made a difference to my day, then you've made a difference to my life. *loud applause*

Ahh, the Year of the Pig. Every zodiac sign has its time to shine, and this year it's the pig's (come on you pigs, get up and moving!). In spite of the bad press pigs get, they actually have quite a lot going for them. Pigs:

• Are very smart.
• Have orgasms that last 30 minutes.
• Taste nice in the morning with eggs.

If ever I reincarnate, please let me be a pig. *oink*

Are you happy, now?

I've often been asked this question. As soon as I tell anyone anything vaguely positive about my life, I get this question thrown at me. The question implies that, firstly, I was unhappy with things to begin with and, perhaps none-too-subtly, that I am somewhat hard to 'please'. It also assumes that I am now happy because of the latest affirmative developments. But how can I say I am happy now, or that I was happy before? Happiness is the pinnacle of one's existence, and with anything absolute, it must be viewed relatively. You can never really say this moment is happy when the next moment may be better. Only when I've drawn my last breath can I go back and say 'Yes, I was happy, then', and die in peace.
Funny though – when I answer in the negative, people will ask 'Why not?' accusingly, as if it were a crime to be otherwise. But without knowing who I am and how I feel, who are you to judge?

Happiness means different things to different people. A man could be happy labouring in a field, or unhappy working at a desk. A man could be happy with an ugly woman, or depressed with a beautiful one.

A simple life is an easy one, and a simple mind a content one. Have you ever heard the story of the frog in the well? This frog was born at the bottom of a well. He had water to drink and insects to eat. He crowned himself king of the world, and he was happy. Then one day, a bird landed on the top of the well. The bird told the frog all about the skies, the oceans, the rivers, the grasslands and the mountains. And the frog realised he was trapped forever within these dark walls.

You see, ignorance is bliss. You'd be happy with a cave, until you saw a house. You'd be happy with a meal, until you saw a feast. You'd be happy with a dollar, until you saw ten. It's human nature to continually strive for more, strive for something better, reaching further and further no matter how unattainable the goal. It's this desire that drives us, yet causes us grief.
I never fail to see the endless possibilities stretching before me, and how little I have traversed.

Are you feeling happy, punk? No.