Well, I'm back. Back to reality, my feet once again touching the ground. I had so much fun, had so many experiences, met so many people. To write it all down would take me days. I saw snow on mountains, moonlight on water, great pines and a sunset beach. I met relatives, beautiful people and people that I love. Sigh.
I took heaps of photos, so anyone who wants to see them can just ask me. When I have the time (and energy), I'll write down everything that happened.....

Yeah, so good to be on holidays finally. Just relax, sleep....and crap, I still havent unpacked yet. Damn. Yawn. Actually, I don't feel like writing today for some reason.....writing block........STOP.

You give a masked smile and say your goodbyes.
And then it hits you.
You feel the tears but you can't cry. Not in front of him and him and her. The sky outside is a woollen grey, and snow lightly swirls, lightly swirls.
Waiting. Too much time. Too much time to think. Thinking of times past, of memories fading.
And then you remember. Remembering that there are a thousand chores to do, a hundred people who will scream at you and only a few friends who will care. Of working, of failing, of boredom and depression. You say to yourself, 'I will make it stop, I will make it stop,' but you know that is a lie. Life will go on, as it has and ever shall be, forever and ever, amen.

I don't have long to go now....only about 4 days until my first exam. Somehow I'm not worried....strange. It always happens with a few days to go before an exam; I think that nothing matters anymore, and I start taking it easy and relaxing. Maybe its over-study trauma (as if I ever OVER study). I know I won't feel the same way on Monday though.

Yeah, besides studying I've been bludging, heh. I downloaded the Braveheart soundtrack and have been listening to that over and over, especially the 'Battle Of Stirling' track and 'For The Love Of A Princess'. The long drawn-out notes from an orchestra of violins and cellos and bagpipes.....so inspirational. Sometimes I listen to it and imagine that I'm in the midst of a battle, charging into the enemy, banners held high, sound of horns and drums and fighting men. And a princess, waiting quietly for me in a castle. OK fine, run away... yes yes I know, I'm a little crazy........

I can't wait till these exams are over. I'm looking forward to days in the sun, of music and laughter. Gosh, I haven't been out in ages. Sigh. Trapped in here. I gotta make new friends. Everyone is so busy these days.

Yeah, I won't be blogging for a while methinks. I have to bunker down, study study!!!
Good luck to all for your exams.

Dunno why I'm blogging right now...I really don't have that much to say. But then, I was reading other people's blogs (instead of studying) and it just gave me an urge to write.
Oh yeah...study....forgot about that...study...have to...yes...study. I have never been good at studying. I'm one of those people who ignore it, hoping and pretending it will go away....and then, a day before THE day, I find out, shit, no, the exam is STILL on and I have like one night to revise and...and...ARGH!! PAANIC!!!

Well, nothing much has happened since my last blog. Went to a friend's 21st on Friday night, which was really good cos I got to joke around with some new people, and finished up playing with Alice's little brother and getting bashed up by him. Saturday, went to help friend buy a new car, which was a real headache. Ended up signing two car contracts on the same day....don't ask.
Haha, Sunday was funny cos there were these two really flirty Korean girls in the shop. My friend Herman who was also working on the day was wearing a badge which read 'Trainee' on it. Anyway, Herman ended up serving the two girls, and one of them asked him whether his name was 'Trainee'. HAHAHAh.

Right now its 1.45am, and I'm sitting here listening as a saxophone plays of rain and tears through my hifi. There's something sadly beautiful about the night which the light of day can never reproduce. Why do we look up into the night sky and sigh? Why do we gaze longingly at the stars, and wish we could be there? I read once that every atom in our body somehow belonged to a star, millions and millions of years ago. Me and you...we are both stardust, yearning to rejoin the silent light of the heavens.

Sitting here, staring into space.
My life is a monotonous cycle,
Watching clothes spin round and round
In the washing machine.
I try to tell you, and you smile with disdain.
(Quick quick, hide your insincerity...)
I reach out, and touch the coolness of shadows.
If everything were to end,
I would have no fear.
I have made friends with emptiness.

Watched a movie that I've been dying to see (prolly the most anticipated movie for me ever)...and was so disappointed. Shi Mian Mai Fu wasn't even half good! It was....rubbish! What's happening with Chinese movies these days? They need to go back to their roots, when making movies was more about entertainment and innovation than making money. I don't wanna spoil the movie for those of you who haven't watched it, but I hafta say, the whole movie was filled with unbelievable (in a bad way) special effects and laughable plot. Ah well. Guess now that I'll just wait for Stephen Chow's Kung Fu Hustle.

Had a presentation to do today for CLAW. Me and a group partner dressed in business shirt and pants with nice ties. Quite snazzy. Anyway, I was sooo damn scared before the presentation, especially since my partner volunteered for us to go first. I hadn't even read through what I was gonna talk about! (I was late to get there cos of morning traffic). All the things that could possibly go wrong were running through my mind. Maybe I'll lose which line I was up to. Maybe the slide that I wanted wasn't put on the computer. Maybe I'll stammer and splutter and get all tongue-tied. God I hate doing presentations. Not out of sheer nervousness (I do get nervous though) but because you think, why must I stand out here like an idiot in front of all these people and talk about something that they're not even interested in?
Well, in the end it turned out OK. The lecture theatre was dark and the front of the theatre even darker, and I kinda hid behind the lecturn while reading out the notes, occasionally remembering to look up in order to 'engage' the audience (who were either asleep or preparing for their own presentation or wondering what the hell this fast-talking fuzzy-haired chinese guy was talking about).

It's funny. Sometimes I think I'm a tape recorder that people speak into, and then gets left in the corner to be used on another day.

Now I'm pretty much free...well, got one more assignment due next week, but hey, next week can wait.

If someone ever tells you that all they want is for you to be happy, don't believe them.
I never knew so many flowers could grow on a heart.

Yesterday was my grandpa's 89th birthday, and we went to have dinner in Strathfield. 89. I wonder whether I'll ever reach 89. Whether I'll be as satisfied with life as he is.

These few days have been pretty hectic, with a 3000 word essay due yesterday. 3000 words of bullshit. I was up till 5am trying to finish it. Trying to squeeze every last word that resided in my brain onto paper. I know it sounds strange, but I get scared when I'm up all night and dawn approaches and I see the sky lightening, birds chirping. I get scared because if I don't sleep, the next day will not be a new one, but just a continuation of yesterday. So yeah, my essay wasn't finished, but I jumped into bed anyway as the morning stretched its tentacles.

Man, I've done so many essays this semester. Each essay I do seems to be worse than the one before it. I think my english and essay-writing skills are deterioaching....asd..3rwesdf.... ogah bogah....

And the heat! I can't stand the heat!!! It was not long ago during winter that I wished summer would come....now that its summer, I want winter. Like my wise friend once said, you always desire something that you don't have, and once you have it, you want something else.

So good to have today off. God I need the rest. Watched a movie called 'Days Of Being Wild'.
In it, the character asks: 'Have you heard of the bird with no legs? It flies and flies and sleeps with the wind and only touches the ground when it dies.'
I hope I'm not such a bird. I don't want to find my place on the ground only when I die.

Unfortunately, nothing really interesting has really happened these few days. Well, handed in my CLAW assignment after many a painful night. On the last night, I stayed up till 3.30am finishing it...needless to say, it was a piece of crap. And so i skipped the morning lecture for the same subject to hand it in in the afternoon. Later on, what do I find out? During the morning lecture it was announced that there's been an extension and it's not due till next week!!! Argggghhhhh!!! Motherf... Why does she tell us ON the day?
Anyway, I dunno why, maybe it was the lack of sleep, but I became extremely depressed as the day wore on. Actually I know why, but...it would just sound so stupid. And the sky...the sky looked so sad as the sun dwindled into orange greyness...

I saw a couple of little kids inside a tennis court, probably just finished training. Really young, primary school. There was a blue butterfly trapped inside the court, trying to fly out of the chain fence enclosing the court. These kids, they were trying to hit the butterfly with their racquets...swinging wildly at it and laughing...the butterfly desperately trying to escape...the gaps between the links in the fence too small........

Another day is over. Stars shine, moon softly glows, gentle breezes of the night through my bedroom window.

Went rockclimbing yesterday. Man, haven't done that for like 3 years. To tell you the truth, I was a little scared...no wait...really scared while I adjusted my harness as I prepared to climb. I had no confidence and thought that as soon as I put my hand and foot on a ledge, I'd slip and fall a hundred feet to my death....NOooooooooo......
Nah actually it wasnt that bad after I'd gone up a few metres...my 'rockclimbing' instincts came back to me and I didn't do too bad. Serenis was suprisingly good...and Brian...well, that was his first time, so he's got room to improve. But Monkey.....u shoulda seen Monkey.....he was scaling the walls like a....well, monkey.....whenever he was about to climb, you could see these red fervish eyes of his glowing, so fanatical was he and so in-tune with being a monkey he was. Quite amazing really. I dunno where he gets all his energy from. Maybe he thinks giant bananas are waiting for him at the top.
Yeah, afters when our arms were sore we went to eat Thai at Newtown. It was quite expensive, but tasted OK. Oh yeah, and one of the girls working there was really fit. As was the one at rockclimbing :)

At work today I was so tired....but that's cos I was playing games last night. Anyway, I went to buy some chocolates for Beewei's 21st (which was actually on wednesday) from the shop across my work, and planned to give it to her cos she and Hui Cheng said they were gonna come to Market City. As I was paying for the chocolate....lo and behold, Beewei appears! So damn embarrassing....haha....and then after I paid for the chocolates I jus gave it straight to her. Haha stupid. Anyway.....
Been doing my damn assignment all night. So torturous. It's like .....I do a word count every time I write a sentence, in the hope that I am somewhere close to 2500 words. Just plodding along like a directionless turtle. Sigh. So tired. And hungry. And my arms are still sore from rockclimbing. And my computer is slow. And I can't find that mp3 I want. And I have to work tomorrow. And I got a mouth ulcer. And I need a haircut. And....and..........

Groan. Just sitting at the computer trying to start on my CLAW assignment. It's so full of crap, but then again, so are most assignments. Sooo bored. Another fruitless day.
I watched a HK movie today...As Tears Go By....pretty good movie, made better by the fact that Maggie Cheung (melts) in her younger years was in it.
Damn, really have nothing to write about today cos nothing happened. Sigh. I wish there was an earthquake or something. Or a meteorite. Or maybe a volcano eruption. Or maybe an alien invasion. Or a giant tur..............

Hmmm....I've been reading other people's blogs and have realised that mine has a lot to be desired. So yeah, I'm gonna try and make my posts a little more 'exciting' (if thats the word) and 'intimate' for the like one or two people who actually bother to find out what has happened or is happening in my little square world.
Let's see...today I woke up at 12.30pm having played games till 3.30 in the morning. Yes I know, you're thinking, "how sad", and so am I. Anyway, then I jus ate and stuff and was gonna go see a movie with a friend, but being the busy BEE that she was, she couldn't make it so I ended up playing ps2 the whole day.
In the evening I went out for a nice game of tennis with Adam and some friends. Needless to say I suck at the game and... and......why the hell is there a net in tennis?! It would make my life so much easier if there wasn't that damn net there you know.....then maybe all my shots wouldn't smack into the net.....and maybe....maybe I'd be good at the stupid game!.....And those white lines.....
Anyhoo, while I was playing a ball from the other court rolled into mine....and being the good samaritan that I was, I picked up the ball and attempted to hit it back to the people in the other court. And so I swung the racket at the ball........and watched the ball hit the back of this girl who was also playing with me and was standing in front of me. Ouch. Seriously, I always have this knack for injuring people. Yeah and then her bf who was sitting down somewhere ran up to comfort her. He smiled at me but I think secretly he wanted to shove his racket down my throat (or worse).
Damn I gotta start on my assignment tommorow.

I'm so angry tonight. So fucken angry.
Damnit! God-fucking-damnit! I went outside and punched the brick wall till my hands hurt......it always has to happen to me doesn't it.....this whole month has just been so fucking pleasant, don't you think? Just when I think it's time for things to look up.....
What have I done?
What have I done to deserve this?
I just want time to spend with friends. And love. And happiness.
Is that too much to ask?

This week I met a friend. I used to like this friend a lot. She looked pretty as usual, probably more pretty than I used to recall. The truth is, when you like someone and you think you've forgetten about them, deep down somewhere you know that you would stay by their side if given half the chance. I was never given that chance. She greets me and smiles at me and laughs, and I know that to her I am just another guy, a boy who makes her laugh but has nothing to say and even less to give. I wonder though if she ever liked me or thought about me the way I think about her, even for an instant. I wonder if she knows how I used to feel about her. It matters not of course; she has found her happiness, and that belongs to someone else. Still, I wonder what would have happened if I had seized the moment when it was at my fingertips, instead of giving it away, letting it slip through like sand. I know though, that if that moment could come again, I would do the same... hiding, too afraid to face what might and might not be, a paper mask with a permanent grin...

Wooohoo!
I think me and brian's 'reputation' has hit an all-time low at engineering.
We had to hand in a tute on friday, but since I couldnt b stuffed going into uni jus to hand it in, i got brian to hand it in for me. of course me and his answers were the same, and of course they were below sub-standard quality.
so brian handed in the tute and left to go to work...then my friend who was in the tute rang me to tell me the tutor was looking for us, and that he shouted our names out in class because our work was so shit.
Yay!
Now everyone knows how dumb we are!
Life gets better.

The flags are still
No wind blows
It's the heart of man that's in tumult.

i feel so lost...
like my body is here and my mind is 10000ft in the clouds
pretty soon it will run out of air and die

damn, its raining tonite
if only the weather was my mood, then there would be storm clouds amidst the rainbows, and sunshine between the raindrops

God i feel like hell today

why are people so complicated?
why must they hide under so many skins, shedding and changing
i think some people are like russian dolls
they open up and you think you have discovered the true 'them', but then you find, there are many more 'thems' inside. sometimes there are so many that you can no longer distinguish between real and facade.

in some ways, getting to know someone is like opening a present. some presents come beautifully wrapped, all shiny surfaced and neatly taped. some presents are wrapped in tattered patches, loose flaps and recycled paper. but i have opened many a nicely-wrapped present to be disappointed by a useless salt and pepper set or an empty photo frame. and i have also been pleasantly surprised by some badly-wrapped present to find something that i can use or treasure or appreciate.

to all my friends: no matter how you come, you are that present that has pleasantly surprised me. you are that present that i can treasure and appreciate...and USE!!, HAHAhahahahAHah...sorry

wohoo
tomorow is last day at ibm
my gosh
10 weeks sitting on my bum. it sure has gotten big.
after tomorow, im free! free at last!
run Quami, RUUUUUUUUuuuunnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!
WUN LIKE THE WIND!!!

WUuuu......shit
i got uni on monday
ARGGGGGGGHhhhhhhh
and so it begins again
sigh....i wonder wat uni will b like this yr...prolly the same....going to class, sleeping in class, bludging class, sitting with friends, looking for friends, sitting by myself all nigelated and lonely-like
sigh

i watched Ashes of Time the other day.
such a beautiful movie

in it, leslie cheung says: "Man's biggest problem is that his memory is too good"

how true

all our troubles come from the fact that we remember, that we cant forget, cant let go...
if only there was magical wine like that in the movie that could make us forget, to start anew

but then, without memory, we would b nothing...just a leaf detached from a tree...

there is someone who i cant forget, who has given me the most precious and happiest memories of my life. i regret i did not use the time given to me to show you how much you mattered to me. the memories with you linger sweetly, and still i dwell on them in melancholy. if i had one more chance..............but no, it is too late. i know time passes and things change, but i will forever live in my memory of you, a fool in a fool's paradise...

(and rip L.Cheung)

***___
__/o|o|\__
|_()____()_|~~


.....GO GO SPEED RACER!!!
yes yes, i know, i am quite the artiste

still raining today
i dunno, i kinda like it when it rains
like u know, that smell of wet grass and ozone
mmmmmm.....chicken

hm...im jus sitting at work now, waiting to go home
home sweet home

nothing to do
i keep msging this friend called chengy on icq, but i think she is barring me
Ooooooo chengy? Cheeeengy?

"Fly little one, FLy!!!"

ok, bye bye

oh yeah, if anyone reads this (does anyone?)
HAAAAARLO!!

yeah, i thought i mite start up my blog again, cos at work im sooo bored
yay

so here i am, transcribing my thoughts onto ur screen
a clouded mind wrought by flashes of white
a lone coconut lashed by restless grey seas
arise, ye winds, arise!!
come forth!!
smite all those who d....

ummm..ok..sorry

Haii....
21...
21 years of eating and breathing and sleeping
i find that my life is merely a continuous flow of mundane, a monotonous train journey punctuated by brief moments of anticipation, much disappointment and occasional false pretences of satisfaction and happiness.

today, as always, im stuck at work
digging and digging a deeper hole
how can people waste their lives sitting in offices and staring at flickering screens?
For what?
i know now that i could never work in places like this...i feel like im wasting away, wasting my life, a piece of wood being slowly whittled away...NOoooo..QUAAMIII!!!

damnit, uni's gonna start again soon
gah
(and Simon and Garfunkel sing: "Every day's an endless stream, of cigarettes and magazines....")

hmm...i need a holiday..
slow things down...